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Near death experiences are normal for deer on the highway, people eating lead-based paints and Paris Hilton’s acting career.

For me, they are not common… usually.

Today, a very large and very powerful high school sophomore attempted to show me  what it’s like when the lights go out and the music stops.

For the above portrait, I wanted to shoot East’s Trevon Hinker throwing  a jam down as I had seen him do a few times this season. Unlike his in-game dunks, I didn’t want him to actually touch the rim. I was standing on a very shaky 8-foot ladder holding onto the backboard with my sort-of-free-non-shooting hand, which was actually not free and very involved in the process of shooting this photo — way too close to the hoop for him to come barreling in all King James style.

So… to do this, I asked Hinker to jump in the paint as if he were dunking, but not towards the hoop to avoid a collision — a collision likely to result in minor injury (him) and major death (me).

But I guess a teenage boy in front of the girls’ basketball team loves to show how clumsy guys can be — a good life lesson for the girls and guy present.

On the first take, Hinker gravitated full force from just in front of the free throw line, sailed through the air like a button off of a fat man’s shirt and pummeled my ladder as I weakly clung to it while firing my camera. Laughter erupted and I probably spoke profanely/wet my pants. The sequence can be seen below.

Luckily, I was only shooting Hinker who hit my ladder low and not girls’ star Jazmyn Webster whose vertical has to be measured by NASA — she most certainly would have jumped high enough to put and end to my life as I know it.

Thanks for looking.

The takeoff…

The moment I realized I may very well live my final moments surrounded by high school age kids in gym shorts…

A view of the floor from the backboard after partially losing my ladder. I still like to believe that I would have back flipped from the ladder, vaulted off the wall and landed like the Dark Knight on the floor had I not been holding on like a frightened child.

The world may never know.

Watching the Pioneer Avenue Safeway close was sort of like losing a family member… albeit a family member I barely knew.

In 2006, my cousin worked as a meat man at the neighborhood market. There, I watched as many pounds of beef were packaged when he let me behind the glass. The experience was a definite highlight of that summer and a warm welcome to Cheyenne, too.

Later that summer, I bought a fern at the Safeway. Lazily, I tried to cultivate it in my trunk. For two or three months, the plant received nothing but the finest neglect. When I was looking for a shovel in my trunk one day, I found the fern. I brought it inside and fed it a little water. It came back to life and enjoys a healthy existence to this day.

It’s really kind of sad looking back on the life of that little plant. No one cared for it and it survived despite the odds. Conversely, I never thought the fern would out-live the place from where it came. It seemed, after all, that the Safeway was cared for by the surrounding community. Despite this, the market was unable to survive.

I hadn’t actually been in said Safeway in recent years, though I drove by it regularly. To me, it existed much like an aunt or cousin I know is there, but rarely speak to. I may never buy another fern or witness the power that is meat packing again, but I will never forget the times I shared with the Pioneer Avenue Safeway.

Farewell, dear friend, farewell.

Thanks for looking.

This year for Lent, my dad gave up Wyoming Cowboys basketball.

From what I’ve gathered throughout the years, the things people give up for Lent are not meant to briefly better oneself. Sacrifices are supposed to act as a springboard for living a better life every day.

As a kid, my parents made me quit sweets, T.V. and misdemeanor criminal activity. For the most part, that made me angry, though not committing crimes was probably beneficial.

For a number of years, I haven’t attended church and had no intention of ever going back. In recent months, however, I became engaged.

Thus, I no longer make decisions — Linda calls the shots.

I say “yes” or “no,” even though I may not agree.

As such, I went to Ash Wednesday mass for the first time in years — twice at that (once for work).

Since I was there, I reflected and decided how to be a better person.

So, what to give up… my backbone? Already gone. My independence? Gone too. My Playstation? She probably smashed that after reading this.

Hmm…

Maybe my often-aloof father knows something I don’t after his 30 years of marriage. He sacrificed a bad UW hoops team, which really isn’t beneficial. His choice, initially, seemed so mundane.

Why not just give up tube socks or crust?

After tonight — and others like it — as I cease to exist as I once knew myself, I realize that in getting married, I am bettering myself in sense that I can no longer make my own decisions.

AAron just nods affirmatively when appropriate.

Since I don’t have control of the T.V. or groceries and I can never leave Linda’s sight long enough to light fireworks… I guess I’ll give up… Ziggy Comics and… Oh God, she’s coming, I gotta go.

Thanks for looking.

In honor of the 20th anniversary of Buster Douglas’ unprecedented upset over the once-believed-indestructible “Iron” Mike Tyson, I hoped something in the local sports scene would relive the glory of the unlikeliest of outcomes.

On Friday, East wrestling gave the No. 1 ranked Central Indians a go. But after East tied the dual at 21-21, the Indians lived up to their top-rated status and rolled to a 41-21 win.

On Saturday, I still had the chance for the unlikely when the No. 1 ranked East girls and crosstown rival Central faced off at Storey Gym.

The T-Birds dominated the first meeting, but I’m hopeful most of the time — or maybe just hopeless and naive — and I expected a top-notch effort from Central.

In either case, I hoped for a classic dual.

For one half, my wish for a Buster Douglas redux came true. Central came out of the locker room on fire and gave the hopefuls in attendance a reason to hope — they trailed by two at half.

Sadly, reality kicked in during the second half and the T-Birds imposed their will like Oprah on anything that can be eaten — food or not.

The bottom line — the T-Birds won 58-38.

Given the right circumstances, Central could have played two complete halves. They didn’t and they lost.

My dream of an underdog did not come true, but I am content either way.

Besides, who needs an unlikely upset to be happy? Buster Douglas beat 42 to 1 odds in an epic tale of defeat. Now, he weighs 714 pounds and wears turtleneck sweaters. For what it’s worth, winning isn’t everything, but it sure is fun.

Thanks for looking.

Nate “The Great” Marquardt is a pretty bad dude. Not legally or morally, just bad in the sense that his hands are made of iron and he can beat your dad up.

In preparation for his upcoming UCF 109 fight against Chael Sonnen, Marquardt opened his gym to the media, so sports writer Ian St. Clair and I went to Denver, watched him train and ate burritos.

If he wins, Marquardt has been told he will get a shot at the middleweight title. Though he’s heard this line before, Marquardt feels that his record and continually rising star will eventually land him in a title bout.

From what I’ve seen of his fights and training in person, the dude is a stud… and not only because he has knocked another world-class fighter out in less time than it takes to sneeze.

Marquardt is a humble family man.

His wife brings their daughter to the gym while he trains during the day, they go out to eat afterwards and they travel together.

He says his life is perfect right now.

A grounded family man is pretty cool for a professional athlete (ref. Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, the 90s Dallas Cowboys).

For someone who could undoubtedly kill most of the world with his bare hands, Marquardt is uncannily grounded. He told me that knowing he can be humbled in a split second in the octagon keeps his head from swelling.

Maybe more people should get knocked out once in a while to remember what is important.

After all, it made him The Great.